Mercies

Nature has no mercy. Nature says, ‘I'm going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snowshoes, that's tough. I am going to snow anyway.’--Maya Angelou

No mercy?

It’s no secret, is it? Many of us are going through some very tough times right now, and things may get even tougher. Jobs are at risk. An increasing number of mortgages are higher than the value of the houses they cover. Companies are in trouble. Credit is hard to get. The cost of everything is going up, up, up.

If you’re feeling like you’re standing barefoot in a bikini in the middle of a blizzard, you’re not alone. You’re not alone in wondering what in the world you can do about it, either. I think most of us right now are looking around in some confusion, asking ourselves what has happened to our orderly, predictable lives. “I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel,” a friend wrote to me the other day. “Zilch. Nada. None. Nothing but dark. Somebody light me a candle, please! Please?”

Over the coming weeks here on HerStories, I’m going to explore ways we can write ourselves out of the dark tunnel that our lives may have become, and toward some kind of light--or at least, toward an understanding of the situation we are in. I hope you’ll make this a conversation by adding your comments, saying how you feel and telling us what works for you. Let’s build a writing community around “writing in difficult times” and see whether we can lighten our dark tunnels. And while bikinis and bare feet are great for the beach, they're not so hot in a blizzard, so let's see if we can share a warm wooly coat and a good pair of shoeshoes

No mercy? I don’t believe it. Here is what I do believe.

• I believe that recording the daily events of our lives in our journals helps us to create order in a disorderly world.
• I believe that despair (and anger and fear and grief and confusion) can be positive emtions, if we can name them, describe them to ourselves, and face them honestly and truthfully
• I believe that our journey through this life is the process of giving up our illusions about what is fun, safe, easy, free. Giving up illusions is transformative. Documenting changes in ourselves can move us--mercifully--toward growth and maturity.
• I believe that documenting the transformations in our lives will help us make these transformations more mindfully, more attentively, more purposefully. What’s more, we’ll have a record of what we’ve done, how we’ve changed, and how we feel about it. And that by itself is a mercy, isn’t it?

Believing these things (faith in mercies is no small matter!), I would like to invite you to join me every week, here at HerStories, over the next few months. We’ll write together about the hard times we are facing.

Here’s how we’ll get started. Find a notebook you’d like to write in and put it beside your bed. At the end of every day during the next week, I’d like you to write down three things.

• Write down the hardest thing you had to do or face during the day. Name and describe it specifically, in as much detail as you can: what happened, what you did, what you felt.
• Write down one mercy you received during the day. Name and describe it specifically. What happened? Why was this a mercy? How did you feel?
• At the end of your two-part entry, write two words: Thank you.

That’s all there is to it?

For now, yes. Just one week. The hardest thing you had to do or face each day. One mercy every day. And thank you.

Okay? Got it?

I’ll see you back here next week--on Thursday. And in the meantime, if you’d like to enter your hard things or your mercies in the comment section below, please feel free. If you’re facing something really difficult--a cutback at work, crime in your neighborhood, illness, the loss of a home--somebody else is facing it, too. None of us are alone in difficult times.

The mercy is that we have each other.

Comments

[Janet Riehl]

Susan, this is a solid process for claiming and transforming: challenge, mercy, gratitude. Great sequence for soul practice. Thanks!

Janet Riehl
www.riehlife.com

[Lindy]

Hi Susan - What a nice surprise. This is just what the "doctor" ordered. I am always telling myself I absolutely must begin a journal and write in it everyday - but I never do. I have a blog but have not made an entry in 1-2 months. My life is so overwhelmingly busy I seem to have no time at all for myself. I don't even get enough sleep just trying to keep up with all the "must-do's". Having specific direction for journal writing will be a big help. Like taking us by the hand and telling us exactly what we hve to do and thus removing that decision from our (my) overtaxed brain. I'm just glad I took the time to check your blog and ultimately find this blog :-D

Thank you :-D, Lindy

[Susan Albert]

So maybe "too much to do" is one huge challenge and "not enough sleep is another," Lindy? Can we all identify with that, or what?! Thanks for putting it into words for us!

Writing down the words, recognizing the hard things: a first step. We don't need to write a book in our journals--just a few words can tell a big part of the story.

[Susan Ideus]

Susan,
I'm going to try this. I always have great intentions when it comes to my journalling, but am poor with follow-through. I love what you told Lindy "...just a few words can tell a big part of the story." Even I should be able to do that! Another issue for me is that my inner teacher/critic always seems to be "on" and I find myself editing even journal entries. I need to learn spontaneity.
hugs, sid

[Susan Albert]

I know about that inner critic, Susan. Sometimes I want to pop a bag over her head, to keep her out of my writing. One trick that works for me: write fast, faster, as fast as you can. Write in short bursts without allowing yourself to stop. No punctuation, forget speling, whatever comes out of the pen/pencil/keyboard is fine just the way it is. One trick: set a timer for 2 minutes and go go go, just writing, hard. You'll leave your critic in the dust, shouting "Wait for me!"

[cissy]

This is a wonderful post and I am happy I stumbled upon it. It affirms for me the power of writing your gut-level truth and sharing those words with trusted others. But, mostly the transformative power of being honest and seeing the process as a process when whatever challenge feels like the way life always was and will be.
Thanks!
Cissy

[Susan Albert]

Cissy, yes! Naming (honestly, accurately) is such a powerful tool. And once we can name a feeling, a situation, a condition, we can observe its evolution--and see it (as you say) as a dynamic, changing process, not something fixed and artifactual. Thanks for joining the conversation!

[Endment]

I have been "journaling" for a number of years - had reached the conclusion that I was boring myself and it might be time to stop - Thanks for the inspiration

[Khadijah]

What an excellent way to start journalling...this makes you aware every day of what you have come up against that day, and of some blessing that occurred. The balance between the two is lovely, and a good reminder that after harship comes ease. I just finished a notebook, this will be a great way to begin my new one.

[Judy Whelley]

Susan,

I've been journaling for many, many years. There are nooks and crannies in my home stuffed full of past journals. Now, as I am doing memoir work, they are invaluable for mining information. As soon as I am a few words into an entry, I am in that place again. I feel the feelings, smell the smells, remember the place where I was while writing. My body and mind react and come into sync with the memory.

I'm always open to new journaling suggestions and I love yours. I plan to share it with my 12 step group because it lends itself so well to folks in the recovery process. I hand made a new journal just for this!

I'm dealing with the end (I hope) of a long divorce process and the recent death of my mother so this will be ever so helpful right now.

Thanks.

Judy Whelley

[Susan Albert]

"As soon as I am a few words into that entry, I am in that place again."--I've found that too, Judy. It always seems to me to be so important to put myself back into those places, minus the overlays that time, later experiences, and wishful thinking impose on the past. The entry is a record of who I was and where I was, and (to me, anyway) even more valuable than a photograph for recording the moment. A photograph only shows me how the past looked. My journal entry tells me how it felt.

[Karen]

Thanks so much for this very concrete journal suggestion. My emotions have been in such a free fall this year that I've stopped writing. It's almost like I'm afraid to let all that angst out, hoping if I don't acknowledge it in words, it will go away. It doesn't of course.

Keeping a journal has kept me sane through many difficult times in my life but sometimes it's as hard to make myself do it as it is to exercise. I know both will make me feel better but I'm too emotionally fatigued to tackle either. One week, two things to write and thank you. Maybe a ten minute walk every day. I think I can do this. Thank YOU!

[Rhonda]

I started this yesterday - probably one of the busiest days I'd had in a long time, but I had to start somewhere. The first prompt was easy - the words flowed to almost where I needed to tell myself to 'shut up'. I knew there were no mercies to be found. But then I found one by turning it over and looking at it another way. And it was BIG. I got a phone call from my oldest brother who told me the facts about what before had been a rumor that I had heard about him being newly diagnosed with cancer. Believe me, it's a 'Mercy' to know true details instead of imagining the worst from little info. This is going to be a great project Susan - Thank you!

[Susan Albert]

I know it's hard, Karen. Really hard. But you're right--it's better to name our devils and greet them whenever they show up. "Oh, hey, angst again." Or better, more precisely, more concisely, "Scared of getting laid off at work," or "Worried about the blood test results." If we can put it into words, we can face it. It's the devils we turn our backs on that bite us in the butt.

One week, a challenge, a mercy, and "thank you." That's all. And that's enough.

[Susan Albert]

Rhonda, I absolutely believe that "true details" are blessings, when we have to confront big challenges. The more we know, the clearer we are about whatever is in front of us, the stronger we can be. I'm so glad that your mercy came right straight at you--sometimes it happens that way, doesn't it? Sort of a double blessing, and a big, sighing "Thank you."

[Lee Ambrose]

Susan, I felt such exhilaration as I read your "Mercies" post! I just wanted to pop up out of my seat, raise my hands up high and shout "YES!" to all that you said in your "this I believe" section.

Thank you for the absolutely inspiring and concrete nudges for a new approach to the journaling process. Like someone else who posted a comment here, I often have all good intentions but somewhere "the busy-ness of life" gets in the way and I don't follow through with my daily journaling goals. I'm going to try to put your suggestions to use this week and stay on track more in the process!

[Trilla Pando]

I will place my new journal by my bed right this minute. And I'll do my first entry now.

Thank you!

Trilla

[Renee]

I like this idea. Sort of like a gratitude journal for the things and people who help us through the hard times. Another way to journal, how lovely. I have a stack of blank spiral notebooks, my favorite thing to write in--I'll tag one for this exercise.

For the moment, my mercy is having a support network of family, friends and colleagues to get me through my mother-in-law's illnes and ultimate and inevitable death. I don't anticipate she will make it to Thanksgiving. And while I hang on steadfast to my merciful support groups I can be the mercy in my husband's life as he goes through this emotinal disaster.

[Susan Albert]

Lovely, Renee, that you can name yourself as a mercy. This practice can do a great deal to help us become more discerning, if we practice both in our journals and throughout the day. Thanks for sharing!