Securities

“Securities” is not a very nice word these days--if you’re thinking of stocks, bonds and the like. These “securities,” which are traded in various financial markets around the world, seem suddenly to have become dangerously insecure, and we are learning that it is very difficult to count on any of the “securities” we might once have trusted. Whole industries are in jeopardy. Entire segments of the economy are faltering. Our jobs, our 401(k)s and retirement plans, our homes, our health, perhaps even our marriages--many of the foundations we thought were guaranteed seem suddenly insecure, shaky, in danger.

Where does this insecurity come from? Right now, a great deal of it seems to be generated by outside forces, doesn’t it? Hurricanes along the Gulf Coast, fires on the West Coast, the failure of the financial sector of our economy, subprime mortgages, oil shocks, illness and health care costs--gosh, what a long list! No wonder we feel terribly insecure and helpless, as if there’s nothing to hold onto. All we can do is the best we can, cope, and hope for the best.

If you’ve read my previous entries in this blog (Mercies, Soul Colors), you already know that my journal is the place where I learn to create my own personal order in a disorderly, changeful, impersonal world. It is also where I learn how (as Christina Baldwin says in her fine book, Life’s Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest) to give up my illusions.

Now, giving up illusions is a very hard business, as perhaps you know, for they are so comforting and comfortable, so sweetly warm and deliciously fuzzy, that we almost cannot bear to let them go. But sometimes we are forced to do this by circumstance. These days, circumstances are challenging many of us to give up the comfortable illusions of external “securities”: things and expectations and processes and people we thought we could depend on. Instead, we are learning to recognize our true securities, most of them inside us, not outside. And perhaps the greatest of these securities is the faith that allows us to let go of the things we used to hang onto, and permit ourselves to be insecure--a frightening but grace-filled paradox.

Let’s write about this. Each night for the next week, in that journal you’re keeping beside your bed, write these things, before you go to sleep.

• Write something that you have learned, today or recently, that you cannot trust--an “insecurity.” Name it, describe it. Where did it come from? How do you know you can no longer trust it? How do you feel, letting it go?

• Write something that you have learned, today or recently, that you can trust: a true security. Name it, describe it. Where does it come from? How do you know you can trust it? How do you feel, holding onto it?

• Write: thank you.

This isn’t much, is it? Just a few words scribbled on flimsy paper. I can hear you say: I am in a big deep hole, and this is not going to help me out. Believe me.

I do believe you, and yes, you’re right. Being able to name and describe even your truest securities won’t solve all the problems you are facing. What’s more, a “true security” today may become an insecurity tomorrow, as circumstances change and the ground shifts dangerously under our feet.

But perhaps naming what you can trust will help you feel more grounded, more solid, more able to trust yourself, whatever the fates throw at you.

And perhaps being able to trust ourselves is the greatest security of all

And that, my dears, is a mercy.

Comments

[Linda]

After last week's post on Soul Colors, every feeling I get I give a color. I don't feel black very often. For me, it's very low and empty. I felt it once last week when I found out a friend has breast cancer. Gray is confusion, uncertainity and worry, blue is sadness, and the bright color for me is always yellow. I read today's post early this morning before work. I read it again after getting to work and the color I felt was gray. Thinking about securities I realize there are not many things these days I DO feel secure about. I've let go of thinking of retiring right now. I do feel secure with my job. I asked myself what is the one thing you feel the most secure with and the answer as corny as it sounds is this: the love I feel for my family. My retirement can fly out the window, my health can fail, but you can never take that love from me. That thought takes me from gray to yellow pretty fast.
Thanks so much for these thought provoking posts Susan. Have a wonderful weekend.

[Susan Albert]

Thank you, Linda! Recognizing the colors of our moods is another way of getting in touch with our feelings. Sometimes I just feel swamped (especially by the dark feelings--anger, fear, worry), and when I can identify their colors or name them, I feel clearer. Not better, necessarily, at least not right away. But clearer. And as I watch the feelings, they change. Black to gray, gray to blue, blue to lighter shades (aqua? teal? even electric blue?)

I'm glad you're considering your in/securities, too. If we can name those, we can come a little closer to understanding why they are important to us--and (as you say about your family, which is not corny at all!) recognizing which ones really, deeply matter. And I love what you say about gray turning yellow.

Thanks again, Linda!

[Jinni Turkelson]

When I first read your blogs about colors and then securities, I felt as if my world was all black or gray. The divorce proceedings are still going so this isn't a good time for me. But Linda's comments about her job and family really helped. I have a job I love and can continue to do even though I'm past retirement age. And I have two wonderful sons and daughters in law. Of course, I knew this, just had to be reminded of the yellow in my life. Thanks for that insight, Linda! And thank you, Susan for sharing you gift of writing to help us know ourselves better,

[Susan Albert]

Jinni, there are all sorts of small brightnesses in any day, no matter how gray. That's what I was trying to get at with the journaling exercise on Soul Colors. Sometimes it's just a cup of tea, or a book waiting beside the bed, or the way the sunlight falls across the desk, or a flower, a bright leaf, the first snowflake. (Or a lovely quilt, a surprise gift from a friend!)If we can recognize these when we see them, we can go forward through the gray or black with greater courage.

[Lee Ambrose]

Susan
As always, your posts stir up all sorts of thoughts/feelings/journaling possibilities. Thank you for that! I especially like your closing comment " perhaps being able to trust ourselves is the greatest security of all"
It becomes so easy to dwell on the "what-if's" and the "gloom & doom" messages that we get on a daily basis. We forget that we are capable of so much more, that we have a great wealth of strength and ingenuity, wisdom and common sense.
Thanks for such wonderful nudges to dig deeper, journal differently, see the world in a new light.