Glories & Gifts

Well into the twentieth century, it continued to be impossible for women to admit into their autobiographical narratives the claim of achievement, the admission of ambition, the recognition that accomplishment was neither luck nor the result of the efforts or generosity of others.--Carolyn Heilbrun, Writing a Woman’s Life
 
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards, in high heels.--Anonymous (probably a woman)
                                         

In a previous post, I asked you to consider your glories--the things you’ve done in your life that you’re proud of. If you made the lists I asked you to make (you did, didn’t you?), you were making notes for your success story, something that is often hard for women to write. As Carolyn Heilbrun says, it’s difficult for us to take credit for our successes, our achievements, our glories. Especially in challenging times, we tend to downplay our glory stories, our triumphs, and focus on what didn’t work so well: our tragedies.
 
But it’s important both to claim and to understand our successes--not least so that we can enjoy more of them! If I do something really well, I often wonder, “How did I do that?” and then (naturally), “How can I do that again?” If you think about it for a little bit, perhaps you’ll see that you have done something well because you have a “gift” for it: an aptitude or an attitude (perhaps sharpened by education and training) that enabled you to achieve that particular success. 
 
What’s a gift? you ask. That’s for you to say, isn’t it? What is a gift to one person is an obstacle to someone else. (For example, stubbornness can be an asset, a gift, allowing us to stay committed to a project or an idea. But it can also be a curse, can't it?) And of course, everyone’s gifts are different.
 
Think for a moment about Ginger Rogers’ marvelous gifts. What made it possible for her to dance with such astonishing elegance? Well, let's see. There was physical strength and stamina, of course. An innate sense of rhythm developed through hours, days, months of strenuous practice. Control. A willingness to learn. A refusal to cry. Professionalism. Dedication. Stubbornness. Courage. And more, lots more--you can read about her life here.
 
Now, if you were writing these things about yourself (“I’m courageous, I know how to use my body, I’m a dedicated professional”) someone might say, Oh, but that’s bragging! Yes, of course it is, and of course we know that women are never supposed to brag--it is terribly, unforgiveably unladylike. But that’s exactly the point, isn’t it? In order to fully own our successes, we need to acknowledge and claim our gifts. In order to enjoy more successes, we need to name and practice those gifts.

Let's do that: name and practice. Last week, I asked you to make lists of  your glories--your successes. Now, choose one of those glories. Write it at the top of a page in your journal, and then play around with these questions:

• What gifts did I bring to this task that made success possible?
• What kept me going when I was tempted quit?
• What training or education did I need in order to do this?
• What was I willing to give up in order to do this?
• What obstacles did I meet? What strengths did I need to overcome them?

And one last pair of questions, to put your achievement in context:

• What earlier achievements did I build on to create this success? What later successes grew out of this one?

Your life, my life, all our lives are filled with glories, large and small. In tough times, when all the news is bad news, when everything seems to be going wrong, it’s easy to be burdened by a sense of failure and loss. But this is exactly the time when we must celebrate our glories and name and claim the gifts that made them possible.
 
Take credit where credit is due, my very dears. It’s yours. You’ve earned it.
 
“All the girls I ever danced with thought they couldn't do it, but of course they could. So they always cried. All except Ginger. No, no, Ginger never cried.”--Fred Astaire

Comments

[Linda Mandeville]

Last week's assignment was hard..I don't know of any glories, or at least I can't think of any. But now reading this...is compassion a gift? When I look at my life and try and think of my "gift", I realize that in everything I do..I want to help. I have compassion for so many people.. That's not something I was taught in school, or told to do..it's what I feel. Am I totally off track Susan?

[Marilyn R. Pukkila]

I know I am grateful for the gift of compassion whenever I can enact it. Often, it opens up within me as a grace (see the most recent post on "Graces"). And I see it as one of my glories because I "work" at it; I reach for it, and choose it as much as I can. Even my license plate was chosen to remind myself: CMPASSN

So perhaps these three things -- glories, gifts, and graces -- flow together more than they operate independently?

[Marilyn R. Pukkila]

I know I am grateful for the gift of compassion whenever I can enact it. Often, it opens up within me as a grace (see the most recent post on "Graces"). And I see it as one of my glories because I "work" at it; I reach for it, and choose it as much as I can. Even my license plate was chosen to remind myself: CMPASSN

So perhaps these three things -- glories, gifts, and graces -- flow together more than they operate independently?